JUAN
There aren’t so many things to tell when it comes to Dion. Ever since we were in college, he always has been the one who came on time. For whatever occasion, he always managed never to come late. And he maintained that habit just fine until today when I came for his 8 PM invitation. For God’s sake – it was just three minutes past 8 PM, and he already sat on the couch that Gabriel had reserved. With his wide smile and open arms, he welcomed me with his warm usual self. Dion is simply an epitome of warmth in the form of a workaholic person, for all I can say.
The same goes as well for Gabriel. He is a person who I would like to resemble with glue. He loves pestering himself to people, making sure others don’t forget him. He is always the person who lingers everywhere, arranges catch-up meetings, asks for life updates, and gives too much fucks about the others. Hence he has a way or two to reconnect himself to everyone, including Sevilla and Nick. My long-lost two old friends, who had been roaming around the world for the longest time I could remember.
Sevilla and Nick were the two most known duo in my group of friends. They knew how to attract people and how to gain attention in short conversations. Both are sharp-minded, come from wealthy families, and have good looks. There isn’t much to tell when it comes to them. They are just the typical rich men who were silver-spoon-fed and maturing just fine. Except for their remarkable achievement of getting blacklisted from a few bars because they had too much fun.
Everyone in my group of college friends is just the typical guys you would find in the middle of the crowd. They sure have their own memorable traits, but they sure are different from Titan. Titan is undeniably far from typical – he is beyond that.
He is the type of person who easily could grab someone’s focus. He has that particular wittiness that makes him insufferable sometimes, but fun most of the time. The minute he stepped into the room was the minute when he stole every attention. Titan is undeniably the farthest from normal, yet one which makes everyone long for his presence.
Titan is different; he has so many things to tell when it comes to my persepective.
As I saw them around me, I was thrown back to the days when I spent the last days of my adolescence. The warmth that Dion offers to the table, the joy Gabriel brings within himself, the recklessness that Nick and Sevilla give, and the jitters that Titan brings to me; draw me back to the point where I can finally feel that I am nowhere far from my youth. It took me a few years to realize, that I have so many things to regret from my past – I was a coward and a fucking loser. I lost all the years that I could have spent with them because I was too afraid to lose them.
Lost Titan, especially.
When the night came to an end, I actually felt so much greed in myself. The urge to gain back what possibly could be mine surged me and triggered me to give myself a try. To give the time a try to mend whatever I had in my mind. To give myself a chance to tell Titan about the things I never told to him and kept from him.
TITAN
I thought I could just wash myself away from the past. From all the regrets that I hid in the back of my mind, from all the secrets that I erased from my memories. From Juan.
Turns out, no. I couldn’t. It took me a few years to be away from him to do that. And it just took me a few drinks to remind me how much I miss him. It took me a few minutes of him being a foot away from me, to realize, I could never get rid of him.
I thought I was okay without him.
Maybe indeed, I was okay without him.
But I think – I could be more than just “okay” with him.
