TITAN
I never thought that I would ever be awkward with Raine. After all, she is a very close and dear friend of mine, who has been present in my life for years. To say she is unbearable at times is agreeable, but to say she is easy to cut off is way too ignorant. She has her ways to make her stick onto someone’s life. She always has.
For the past few years, I have caught up with her life quite often. At times when she felt lonely, she would bombard my phone with her texts and calls. And I just obliged her wishes because I feel the same too at most times. I feel lonely. And I feel too burdened to find new friends who would vanish that uncomfortable feeling. Hence, I don’t feel so bad when I am with Raine. She is as hollow as I am, yet as nosy as she could possibly be.
I never thought that I would be ever awkward with Raine.
Unless there’s Juan in the room.
And Raine just couldn’t help herself from asking about the elephant in the room. About the awkward conversation gaps between me and Juan, the cluelessness of our whereabouts, and the lack of communication we both had since four years ago. Of course, she ran her mouth with the question “Did you guys even talk since the last time we saw each other?” and that question simply – threw me under the bus.
For God’s sake. I thought this brunch would be a fucking normal brunch. Not a fucking meal where I should unravel the waves of shame I have buried for the longest time I could possibly remember. It was supposed to be a normal brunch, not a brunch where I should confess about the blurry pictures I got in my head and the apologies I owe to Juan.
I am deeply sorry for the distance I put between us.
I am sorry for being unclear, confusing, and miserable.
I am sorry for doing nothing.
I am sorry for taking you for granted.
I am sorry for leaving.
Yet I didn’t say it. I didn’t say such apologies to Juan. The answer to Raine’s question was a question I threw over to Juan.
“We didn’t. But we will. Right, Juan?”
“We will,” he replied, as he threw me a glance and a faint smile.
With his answer, I just knew – that mine was sufficient enough to explain how much I wanted to talk to him and make my wrongs right.
At least, for now.
JUAN
I know from that very moment, from the brunch we had with Raine, at least – we had something in common. Although there was torturous awkward silence involved, I was relieved to find out that I was not the only one who was hoping for a second chance.
The urge was not only mine but Titan’s too.
And for that, I finally feel that I won’t live with so much regrets.
